First, I just wanted to say that this all s**ks so badly. Your WW is treating you abysmally and you don't deserve it at all. We are in these awful situations and it is totally unfair-- it is OK to be angry. You have a whole community of people here for you, plus sounds like some good friends and family (and kids are always fun to hang out with and help you forget about the BS going on!) Stick with that and let yourself breathe and let go when you're with people who love you.
Setting boundaries doesn't mean you don't love her, but her behavior is just unacceptable. Setting boundaries and sticking to them is an act of LOVE-- love for yourself because you don't deserve to be treated this way and love for her, because the only possible way out of this terrible sitch is if she decides to change her behavior. And like Caligirl and CW are saying-- there is no reason for her to do that right now.
Think of it like every time you let her come over to your house in the middle of the night, go to her place while she texts the AP, respond when she is sick and needs you-- you're implicitly telling her that you're OK with the situation as it is, and I don't think you are. Your actions are helping support the status quo-- are you OK with that? Maybe thinking of it like that can help you to do the incredibly hard and counter-intuitive work of 180s, setting (and sticking) to boundaries, and detaching-- because you don't want to be complicit in what is going on right now.
You got this!!
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
