Confused and Lost

[KristinG]

Good Monday everyone! So deep breath for the weekend update. It's been eventful.

Friday night I went to GAL with a couple of friends. Went to a bonfire because it's finally starting to feel like fall. Everyone started heading home and it was just my friend and I left sitting around the fire and chatting. She is like a second mom to my ww, but we have been very close for several years. I got a huge BD (although I should be surprised at this point) that my ww brought her AP up for a bonfire and to meet everyone last week. She said she just couldn't hold it in and felt like I should know. Said that while they weren't physical, it was pretty obvious to everyone that they were together. I held my composure and just told her that I know ww is making some poor decisions lately and that I am just trying to do my own thing, get a life, and detach myself unless things change. I teared up once or twice, but all in all kept it together ok.

Got home around 10 and went to bed. I'm sleeping as well as I can these days and the next thing I know ww crawled into bed and gave me a back rub. I woke up and asked what she was doing here (at my house). She said she was wasted and took an uber. Wow, ok. So I told her to drink some water and get some sleep and went back to bed.

Saturday morning was pretty great, almost felt normal. We got up, she made me coffee, played some video games and recovered. Saturday night we had plans to watch our favorite football team GO VOLS. I took stuff to make my famous beef stew over to her house and we had a couple of friends over. The entire game she spent more time with her nose in her cell phone every 2 seconds than watching the game or socializing. This has become a common theme when she is with me. It hurts, but I have at least stopped trying to snoop. I know who she's talking to - snooping does nothing but confirm the hurt and further perpetuate my own masochistic nightmare. As soon as the game was over, I said I was leaving and she acted a bit like a jerk as if she were annoyed with my presence. 180 for me - I didn't try to make her happy by acknowledging and trying to fix her blatant rudeness. I simply got my keys and walked out.

Sunday morning she once again showed up at my house before I was even out of bed. Made me coffee and said she wanted to apologize for being such a turd the night before. I thanked her for the coffee. She stayed for maybe 30 minutes and left to go GAL herself. I laid in my own self pity for a couple of hours and tried to muster the energy to GAL. I ended up having a pretty nice day playing some video games and hanging out with my nephew. He's 6, hysterical, and my best friend.

Hope everyone here had a good weekend. I can't say enough that just being able to journal my feelings and get some feedback is helping my own sanity. I know there will be plenty of 2*4s as I am no where near perfect in this journey, but I'm trying my very best and learning a lot along the way. Cheers!