Dropping my D4 off at exW's parents house I got to thinking how I hadn't updated in a while. In my sitch as a father I feel like I "won" the best custody I could have expected in 50/50...yet not seeing D4 for a week at a time, that free week is like my sentence for whatever my part was in the failure of the marriage. Just depressing to have D4 for a great week and then not for another. I have friends with older kids who just kind of chuckle at me and say "when they are 13 they won't even want to be seen with you" and I know there's some truth in that. Figure it will get better like everything else, but I just get bummed for a period of time when I give her up.
Beyond the acceptance of the 50/50 I'm in a happy place in my life. The new lady who I first started dating back in late July, she and I are exclusive and have been having wonderful times together. She lives in the country, I in the city but we alternate visiting at each other's place and it's been going very well for us. She has met D4 and I have met her adult daughter and everyone is very comfortable with one another. Looking forward to the upcoming holidays and lots of fun which will be a MUCH welcomed feeling compared to how last year felt when I was separated.
My ex this past week took her new man on a vacation to the exact same places she and I used to go to. Is what it is really and doesn't bother me. I would have thought perhaps she would want to go someplace new and make new memories, but perhaps she just wants to overwrite old ones with new. Ex's new guy...well strangely I've had no feelings of anything about him really. He's older, grayer, less in shape, and from what I'm aware I believe she may be supporting him. To feel like comparing myself to him...we're just not in any way the same. It's funny how at first when I went to my IC she would kind of dispel the whole professional opinion of MLC, but now that she has seen what my ex is with, she says to me "yep, she's living out an MLC". Who knows...it's water long since under the bridge and my life has moved on from her. If I ever do think about my ex it's more in a quizical "she/that is strange" way than anything else. Who knows maybe they'll get married and live happily ever after. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that my life is much the better for not being married to her anymore. The benefits of time and hindsight are quite something on a person's perception of reality and truth.
My best wishes and prayers to all of you struggling...
