Wondering if part of it is that your focus has been for so long on DBing and now that you can relax on that a bit you are letting yourself feel how ****ed up his behavior has been to you and you are scared of letting him back in and hurting you again? Again I'm a total newbie and not to the point where you are yet but I would imagine that the next steps and going through MC probably will be hard and emotional and it is totally natural that you're maybe a little hesitant and want a lot of proof that he isn't going to do this all over again if you open back up to him. I don't think you should put too much pressure on yourself but it does sound really positive, and at some point you'll have to decide to be vulnerable again with him if you want to build a new R... know we are all here for you! ((hugs))
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
