One way to frame your quest for clarity would be to ask: If you had that clarity, what would you choose to do next? What if she told you "I just don't know, I still need some space"?
What if she wasn't really in it today, but next week she was? Or next month? Or next year?
Maybe she can't provide clarity right now.
Most everyone suggested after awhile that I take action as well. They aren't in your shoes. They don't understand fully what it's like. Ultimately, you are in control of your life, and you get to make the decisions.
If you are firm in your belief that you need clarity, that you are ready to make decisions about your life regardless of what she says, and that you are now operating on your own timeline, then that is one thing. If your need for clarity is actually a desire for some flicker of reassurance, well, I think you know what to do.
Thanks for the input. I think if her answer was that she still needed more time and space, I'd understand and respect that. If the answer was that she's not in this, and she's not willing to work - would I pull the trigger? I don't know.
You're right though - more than anything else, this is about reassurance. Reassurance that I'm not being foolish for still holding on. Reassurance that she's taking this as seriously as I am. Reassurance that she doesn't know, or else we'd be heading down one road or another.
Your point is correct; if it's about reassurance, then it's not about her at all, it's about me. It's about me being a leaf in the wind, getting tossed about by any action (or lack of action) coming from her. And that's a terrible, unsustainable place to be.
But I'm going to be emotionally open about this: I don't feel strong right now. I almost don't even know how to fake it. I love my wife and I want to try again, try anything.
Some of you who made it to the other side of this must have iron for insides because this is just insanely brutal. I don't know how anyone does it.
