Thank you all for the replies and advice. I do appreciate it, even if I sometimes push back and/or don't put it into practice.
I had a good night last night, got together with some of my oldest friends and just leaned on them a little. I'm lucky to have that support.
I started re-reading a few of my books, and the prevailing lesson I'm telling myself is not to panic - so much damage is done by doing things out of panic and fear. So for as uncomfortable and confused I am, I'm telling myself to get through the day, focus on myself, and then see what tomorrow brings.
I do still have a lot of ambivalence in a few areas; for example, NGS would tell me that I'm currently being a classic nice guy, subverting my needs (more clarity on whether or not she's still in this, for example) out of an abundance of consideration for what she's asked for (space). I feel like there has to be some kind of middle ground - I don't need to know the solution or all of the answers; it would just be so meaningful for me to know that she's still here, that she's still in this.
Most everyone I speak to about this tells me "S, you've got needs too, you've been as understanding as one could possibly be about this scenario, it's not unreasonable to ask for more clarity" - although I know that many on here would disagree. I know that my need for this information is coming out of my own insecurity and would simply demonstrate my lack of detachment..but it's tough. Every day is tough, when there's no communication and no insight and on and on.
