Persistent Endurance (Part 6)

[curtis7]

I haven't sent anything. I am listening to the advice here. However, I am no longer certain that I want to save my MR. I don't want her (who she is now) back. If she was even somewhat like my W from a year or more ago, then maybe. I want to move forward with my life with or without her, i.e. working on R or working towards D. Not living in limbo.

The Retrouvaille hangover didn't last long. We completed two dialogue sessions the first week after RV. Then once more last Saturday. Her effort was half-a$$ed during each meeting. She is not motivated to work on it. Last Sunday, she spent the night with OM3.

She wasn't truthful about breaking it off with OM3. She said it was over and it ended badly. Well, he actually dumped her because she was out of contact for 17 hours during the RV weekend. She called me controlling, but this guy can't go half a day without her checking in or he goes ballistic on her.

After she ran back to OM3, I gathered some intel. Here are excerpts of WW's text exchange with OM3 the day after RV.
OM3: You F'n liar, you never cared about me.
WW: I do. But doesn't matter actually. It matters how you feel. And I guess I don't make you feel loved. I'm sorry for that.
OM3: I regret anything I ever told you that matters to me! My daughters name, why me and my mom don't talk, any and everything! Because you don't give a F! You showed it Saturday and you opened my eyes, thank you.
WW: Wow. That hurts...okay.
OM3: My XW was at least woman enough to tell me she was f'n someone else! Unlike you, making up s***! I've never been s*** to you. I want to die and just be gone from here. You will be the last person to ever hurt me.
WW: Please don't. You will never be nothing to me.
OM3: I'll F XW before I F you again.
WW: Well you never got over her anyway
OM3: G F yourself b****. Don't confuse me for you and Curtis. Again. Still can't admit it. I hope your life goes to hell.
OM3: F you WW! You proved what I was to you Saturday! Deny it all you want, Curtis owns your heart! Curtis wasn't coaching 17 straight hours you MF whore. I'm going to [explicit, explicit, explicit] another b**** and I promise I'm going to send you pictures.
OM3: Disappear from my life you piece of s****!!! I've never ever regretted anyone!!! But I regret you!
WW: Yessir if that is what you want
OM3: Everything I ever told you, I regret it! I regret every picture of my daughter I sent you. I regret you even knowing her name.
OM3: You'll be getting pictures soon. I'm about to line them up. Not just one. You said you'd never hurt me and you did, intentionally! F you, Curtis and his parents, you g'dam slut!
OM3: F you!!!!! F you!!!!! I wish the worst for you! If anyone deserves it, it's you. You deserve s***! That's what you deserve. You deserve to lay in s*** and lose everything. That would make me smile again.
OM3: Look your kids in the face and tell them the only reason they were born was so you could get a f'n horse! Do that. You will hate me and regret me! I told you to never ever cross me.
WW: What purpose would that serve? Hurting children? Doesn't change the fact that I love them.
OM3: Your kids are better off without you. I F'N HATE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE. Your excuses are beyond ridiculous and you're just pulling s*** out of your a$$.
WW: I have thought that on more than one occasion...my kids better off without me. Without any help from you.

All of that and she goes back to him on Sunday? Maybe it is true love and they are soulmates. He sounds like a real psychopath to me. Is this just manipulation and guilt that he is trying to lay on her? Does anyone think my W is in real danger or this guy could harm my kids? If so, I don't really care about what happens with my MR. I'll tell her family (dad and sister), maybe they will care enough to take action and save her from this monster, because she certainly hasn't let me save her.

I've been very dim with her for the past week and a half. About one text a day, only about the kids. I have been cordial and distant when we are together for kid exchanges. S8 had a baseball game on Thursday. W was texting the entire time, even when S8 was up to bat. It seems to be back on with the OM hot and heavy. Intel also indicates that she may have been with OM2 the day after the RV weekend. I don't want her around me. She lies to everyone.

If we D, I would want to start with the non-contested route. This is why I don't just go ahead and file. There needs to be an agreement on custody and fiances, then we file jointly. I've been rehearsing my script that was posted here a few months ago:
"This isn't working for me anymore. I respect and accept your decision to not make our MR a priority. I would have preferred to work things out, but I realize that is not what you want. I respect myself too much to continue waiting for someone that doesn't want to be with me. I have decided to move forward with my life. I hope we can agree on custody and finances and make this process as simple as possible. [I hand her the asset list so she can decide what she wants to keep]. I have to go, see you later."

Then, I follow-up with a short email containing an electronic copy of the asset list:
"I don’t want to live in limbo, it’s not fair to confuse the kids, and if you are planning on filing for divorce, then let’s get going so I can move on with my life. Know that this is not what I want, but if this is the only way you can be happy, I won’t stand in your way."

I'm strongly debating why I don't take this action right now. She is just not a good person the way she is now. Who knows if she will be a person that I would want to be with in the future. Would it be wrong to D her while she is in this dark place on her journey? I just don't have the energy, I feel like giving up, her choices are sucking the life out of me. I'm sick and tired of being disrespected and taken advantage of. Part of me wants to wait until the anniversary of BD, that I stood strong for 1 year. Gave her ample time to come out of the fog. Another part of me says what for, why wait and prolong the inevitable.

That's my update. Taking the kids to an Adult/Kids Halloween Party tonight. I'm going to enjoy myself with friends and meet some new people.