I left your thread yesterday, not feeling so good. Even when I write a sentence to tell other readers the advice in that particular post is going to sound different from the usual or initial advice we give when one first joins the board..........I think many people must only read a portion and aren't acquainted with the history of the sitch. More importantly, I kept thinking about you, 44, and what you said about everyone telling you how your W was crappy, and how that effected you. Then I remembered I had made the statement that I didn't like your WW. I should have said I don't like her ways.

I am guilty of trying to get the LBH's eyes open to see the wayward attitude & behavior in his W.......and how their dynamic has to change before he can have a healthy MR....and, I probably don't sound very compassionate. I'll be the first to say a lot of my posts have a harsh edge, b/c I can identify with what sets WW's apart. I'm trying to get the LBH to see that he can't be a wimp with a WW-- and believe she's going to change how she feels about him.

You asked what if your W just needed help. Well, let me ask a question in return. What do you think it would take for her to seek psychiatric therapy that dealt with whatever she claims happened in her childhood? I'll ask an easier one..What do you think it would take for her to stop her bullying/controlling behavior?

You are not the bad guy, 44. That does not mean you've been perfect. I think you enable a lot of your W's behavior, by simply allowing her to control your actions. Anyway, I'm going to end here. Hope you have a decent weekend.

((hugs))

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!