Awaiting Actions (LB55 #5)

[LB55]

So question for the group. Kids just told me mom is dating someone and they hang out as a ‘family’. I’ve never met this person. I feel that I should know who my kids are getting introduced to as romantic partners.

W has done nothing to pursue divorce.

Jesus H Christ. I'd remind your kids of the rules of marriage and family. This is an intruder.

For all intents and purposes you are divorced. You just don't have a paper that says so. Yet. You have to let go of your desire to know who your wife is dating. It could be that it is some kind of a weirdo, but the chances of that are very slim. Most likely you just want to meet the guy to see what he has and you don't because your W replaced you with him. It's not you, it's her.

Don't you go on "feeling" her pain. It is HER pain, not your. Do what is best for you, protect yourself and protect the kids.

Stay strong buddy...

I just disagree with the first sentence. What about the intent of getting things wrapped up legally? I doubt LB and Mrs. LB jumped into marriage quickly, or told people they were married for all intents and purposes when they were just dating or engaged. You don't get out of a marriage with the snap of your fingers because you spoke a few words that would be a relationship breakup outside of marriage.

I think we perpetuate a false narrative when we validated a WS's feelings that the marriage is over. You can "feel like" it's over but that goes against reality. You aren't on "home base" simply because you BD'd your spouse.

The rest of your post I like.

I do not care that she is seeing someone nearly as much as I care that the kids are using the word stepdad.

Stepdad? Seriously? Again, I'd educate the kids on marriage and the rules of it. Your W may not believe in them but you kids should.

Everyone feel free to help me if I'm missing something.

Thanks Ovr, a lot of what you wrote is similar to what I am trying to convey here. I don't want to be with this woman but I refuse to do the hard lifting for her. She wants out so fing badly yet does nothing to make it happen. Tells me the reason she hasn't done anything is because I am so angry.

At this point I really just want to move forward with my life and not have her holding me over the proverbial barrel with her victim mentality she plays to the court and so forth. Unfortunately I am in such a tough spot to be proactive. My job prevents me from getting the time with the kids I want, so I lose that argument. That could change by next summer. If I force the issue now I will be locked into 4 days a month or less for 10 years. My L wants $25000 up front just to start trial paperwork. I don't have that kind of cash sitting around to waste.

I don't care about the piece of paper. I don't even know where it is. I care that she is lying to the kids about all of this. She is telling them to lie to me about it. They tell me that 'mom said we aren't supposed to tell you this' regularly. No matter the topic. I never trust a word she has to say. Every word is lies. Example: A few weeks ago she kept the kids out until after midnight partying with her divorced friend, then said they didn't want to come see me the next morning. I asked the kids about it and they said they were just too tired to want to leave the house. Lies.

I think I am going to talk with the kids about it in simple terms this weekend.