First off you are not detached because if you were you would not care if she said no to the Chiefs game and would not care if she said work was just fine. In fact not only do you care you took answers she gave you that are perfectly acceptable and turned them into she hates you.
Second I am not sure I can give you anymore advise because you take things out of context. I gave you advice based on your insistence that you were ready to end the limbo. Even thenI specifically told you that I didn't think you were ready, I think you need to get back to the DB basics. Print of Sandis 37 rules and start implementing them.
When you asked her to go to the game that is pursuit. Which well not advised is ok if when she turns you down it doesn't effect you in anyway. It clearly did so I think you need to stop all pursuit.
I think I know what’s happening. When I first came to the board and read countless stories on here the theme seemed to be that the WW will not look back until the LBS was done. So since I wasn’t done I would pretend like I’m done. Well guess what my ex knew I wasn’t done. Why? Because I had been with her for 24 years and she knew me like a book.
You see if you can even convince us you’re done you’re sure not going to convince the person who knows you best you’re done.
Hmm. AS i have to say that sounds more rude than detached you know what I mean?
We also have a son so I can’t just up and leave without asking her if she’s got the boy taken care of
Also this is how that conversation would go if I did what you said
W where are you going? H out W uhm ok I guess I’ll watch S thanks for letting me know (sarcasm). And where are going H to watch the game W uh ok, you couldn’t have said that the first time I asked. Why are you being a dick??
She was also very rude this morning.
And as I am typing this she just texted me from work. It says “I’m sorry I was rude this morning”
Hmm. AS i have to say that sounds more rude than detached you know what I mean?
That's NGS talking.
Quote
We also have a son so I can’t just up and leave without asking her if she’s got the boy taken care of
Yes of course, that is why I mentioned before that you need to SCHEDULE your evenings off with your W. But you didn't do that, did you? Tell her you need a couple of evenings to do as you please, and offer her the same. You take Tuesdays and Thursdays and she watches S, and she gets Mondays and Wednesdays and you watch S. That, like what I posted above, is an EXAMPLE. You have to TAILOR it to your specific needs, not make excuses not to do it. On your days you go do your own thing. She asks where you're going you say "out". Get it?
Quote
W where are you going? H out W uhm ok I guess I’ll watch S thanks for letting me know (sarcasm). And where are going H to watch the gameIt's Thursday, my evening to do my own thing as we previously agreed to. W uh ok, you couldn’t have said that the first time I asked. Why are you being a dick?? H I will not be spoken to in that manner, and besides, it's time for me to head out (leaves, closes door)
I was just trying to provide some context to how she was acting. It didn’t bother me that she didn’t want to go. That’s fine. I left and was excited as soon as I walked out the door. I wasn’t bothered by her response. I was just giving an example of her irritability.
I’ll leave it at this. I really don’t know what I am. When I get off work and she is not there. I’m not disappointed. I look forward to the little bit of time alone. When she pulls up with S. I’m happy to see her. If she is in a bad mood, I don’t get my feelings hurt I just let her be. I was fine with the way things went last night. I will admit there was a small pant of sadness once I was there cause lots of people were asking “where’s W?” But that pang was brief. I still feel guilty for my share of the M problems. But I don’t feel responsible for her happiness. I enjoy myself when I’m not around her more than I do when I’m with her. I feel like having the big R talk with her so that if it is over, it’s over and no more limbo. I don’t feel like I have done as good as I could of however in the last 3 months. But the one certaintity is. I’m tired of the limbo. Make up your mind. Because I know for a 100 percent fact I will be fine without her.
I want her to make up her mind. And I am ok with whatever. I promise that. But if I am needlessly throwing away a marriage because of impatience. That would make me sad. Does that make sense? It’s not me fretting about am I really done or not. It’s me fretting about becoming another divorce stat when if I would have just been patient things would have worked out. That being said. I’m out of patience. You love me or you don’t. Be my wife or don’t. Because I’m tired.
I hope this makes sense. I’m not arguing with you guys. You guys are much wiser than I. But I do think some things have been lost in translation in this text format
Thanks
Just saw your above post AS. thank you. You are right
Well Oz there is only one way you will find out the answer to you question about be patient. Being patient. My guess is your going to find out the answer come lease time. She will either approach you about going your separate ways or getting a new lease. If it’s about getting a new lease then let her know you are only interested if she is willing to work on the marriage. Then you can DB your a$$ of the next 2 months and have no regrets.
ozman, just came in to encourage you. Hang in there. This is likely the hardest thing emotionally you've ever gone through (and that says a lot because you've been through a lot). It can be difficult to remain patient. But doing nothing is always better than doing the wrong thing. Remember, when you feel you need to act, usually the best course of action is to do nothing.
Hang in there!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
