You mention having the goal of reconciling. Your IC is giving you advice on things to try. The hardest part of DB is letting go of that goal. I think of it like a Zen paradox... you can still want it, but you can't let that desire affect your actions and behaviors and thoughts. This is virtually impossible to do in practice. So what is advised is a "fake it 'til you make it" approach.
The alternative is to let that R goal whip you around like a sail in the wind. I sense you are struggling with this right now. You want to do something (as others have said). You don't want to look back and regret sitting back and "doing nothing" (which is what DB can feel like).
I've been talking with my IC about dealing with the self-doubt you describe. The feeling that "if I had just done something different..." I could have saved things. It's especially painful because my WAW has said things like "You didn't win me back" or "You didn't seem to try." She asked me point blank "Do you still have romantic feelings for me?" She wanted this to not be all on her. All of this feedback reinforced my own doubts about DB strategies and whether they were right. And then I remembered... I bought her flowers, I made her birthday special, I wrote her love letters, I wrote her little notes every day. This was NOT about me losing interest. I did try. I did fight in my way to win her back. We just reached a point where she wanted space, and her heart was closed off.
My point is... don't beat yourself up over whether you have picked the "right" strategy. As somebody posted above, if you have to be the best version of yourself to win her back, that's not really you. We all have bad days. Love is about appreciating the flaws in someone else.
I'm also reacting to your mix of feeling down about your situation and your work. One skill I've learned here is when I feel emotionally disrupted, take some time and just let things settle. Don't ruminate, don't act, just let it settle. You mentioned it's hard to separate what is causing what, so this may help you out. I was down yesterday and couldn't pinpoint why for similar reasons. These things are cyclical.
You and I have posted about NGS. It is very much an NGS tendency to try to think of effective strategies to "win" our WAW's back. "How can I please her?" or "How can I attract her?" It's not all on you! Relationships are 50/50. She has to WANT to come back to the table. It may be today, tomorrow, 5 years down the road, or never. But she has to see value in you. Doing more attractive things is great, but do those things for you, and not for the hope of winning her back.
My last point... I don't want to guess what your WAW is thinking. You mentioned feeling like a fool and that things are obviously over. I completely get this. You feel passive and weak. Here's the thing: You do have control. You can't control your WAW, but you can control you. It feels like waiting passively because you are framing your life around her. Reframe things.
