I hear you, but here's my push back. First, I don't believe it's bringing me any closer to my goal. We talk next to never, and we're more apart than we've ever been, both emotionally and physically. If I'm sitting back looking at this in five, ten years, am I going to have regrets about being passive and just letting things die on their own? I wouldn't be able to say that I did what I could, that I shot my shot, if I continue acting the way I'm acting.
LH described it well, the "illusion of action" syndrome that strikes a lot (most, if not all) of LBS's. Another way to look at it is this, what if you take the "Fireproof" approach and buy her gifts, write her love letters, sell your belongings and take all your savings and buy her some touching gift, and all of that gets you nowhere. In 5 or 10 years will you be looking back saying "gee I sure wish I had DB'd instead of all that crazy pursuit behavior!"? Because what I can tell you from my many years here is pursuit has NEVER, EVER brought a WAS back. Not one single time! But time and space and distance? Yes, it has resulted in numerous recons.
DBing does not have a 100% success rate. But the beauty of it is even if it doesn't result in recon, it puts you in a position to move on as a better person. Pursuit behavior? It kills any chance of recon and does not give you one bit of personal growth to take into your future life and relationships.
Push back on your push back
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She asked for space - I think I've gone above and beyond in giving it to her, more than almost anyone would. What's been advocated here is more and more and more and more, with zero evidence that continuing down that path will suddenly change things. I hear you when you say that this advice is given on the back of numerous examples, but it's really hard to go with that on faith when I feel as if I'm in a worse place than when I started.
Far too soon to know. I know 4 months seems like an eternity but DB'ing doesn't work that fast (nor any other technique).
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Secondly, it's also not who I am. It's incredibly hard for me just to sit here and feel like it's slipping away, and tell myself to not do anything about it. I feel like the rules and advice are in place to avoid someone doing real damage: making demands, crying, pleading, begging, and demanding timelines. That hasn't been and will never be me - I just have to think there's some middle ground here, and I'm trying to find it.
DB'ing is COUNTERINTUITIVE. That's why you feel like it's not "who you are". Every fiber of your being is telling you to pursue her, because if you don't it'll give her the wrong impression. The reason we men are wired this way is because after a normal fight or argument or disagreement then pursuit behavior is EXACTLY what is needed. Buy her flowers, apologize, ask her out to dinner. Before you know it things are back to normal. But when you get BD'd, the old rules no longer apply. It is completely different than anything you've EVER gone through! DBing is your best chance, but you've got to trust it, and suppress what your inner voice is telling you.
