Am I wrong to think I deserve to know who this person is? He is a part of my kids life now and we are a long ways from finishing this divorce. Just shows a person how a WW acts I guess.
Well I don't know if "deserve" is the right word, but informing you of some OM she's bringing into the kids' lives would have been the respectful thing to do for sure. Unfortunately WW's can be very disrespectful, so I'm not surprised she didn't tell you.
Quote
The kids think we are divorced. I don't have the heart to tell them mom is lying to them.
Vapo is right, the way your W sees it you ARE divorced. The "spiritual" divorce in her eyes happened at BD. The "legal" divorce is just a formality to her. She's already behaving as if you are fully divorced.
Quote
Part of me sees this as an opportunity to get an easier settlement negotiated because she can’t keep spinning the story forever and if she is so serious about this guy that he is hanging out at the house with the kids then she certainly it doesn’t want him finding out the real story about how she hasn’t done anything to work on the divorce.
You're assuming he doesn't know all the details, but he might. Most states are "no fault divorce" and if yours is one of them then you can't leverage an affair to gain any advantage in D proceedings. You might discuss that with a L.
Quote
She will eventually have to come to me and settle if she wants to be with this guy.
That depends. WW's live to cake eat and there is no better cake-eating then having a fling while staying married. It's the best of both worlds for her.
Quote
Do I wait it out and try to gain an advantage in negotiation or am I just wasting my life away here?
Waiting it out is not an option. You work on YOU. Get out. GAL like crazy. Become the spouse only a fool would leave. Give her time and space, LOTS of it. I'm not saying pursue D, but I am saying don't sit around waiting for her to have some kind of epiphany because that's not going to happen. It'll be a long time before she might look back. Make the best possible use of that time.
