I'm not denying or downplaying my responsibility in all of this; I really hurt her and betrayed her. I can see how she would still be reeling from it and find it hard to live alone when we did so much together (hence the house sale). However, I've owned my mistakes, got professional help, and am sorting myself out and improving myself.
This is why I feel conflicted. I want to help her out, of course. But I know she won't respond to that well if I did offer, so I've kept quiet on it and will continue to do so. I just don't like the thought of her alone in our big 4-bed house, struggling and feeling down because of what I did.
I really want her to know I've improved so much as a person these last 5 months. Whether that affects how she feels about me or not, it would be good for her to see that surely? I realise that after all my GAL activity recently, this presents me in a more needy state.
My mate is sometimes not the best person to talk to about this - he is divorced (was not an amicable one plus he has a very young daughter) but is rather negative about the whole thing. Not sure if he's projecting some of that lingering frustration onto me. Anyway, he's in a new R and happy.
He was saying to me "The old R is dead. As much as you may not like it, you have to accept that she may not want you in her life at all." For some reason I didn't ask if she had said that - certainly would be a change from her constantly saying to me that she still wants to remain friends after all this. Of course I can't ask her.
One positive thing he said is, "At least now, you know what you don't want or won't put up with anymore." This is very true.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
