For all intents and purposes you are divorced. You just don't have a paper that says so. Yet. You have to let go of your desire to know who your wife is dating. It could be that it is some kind of a weirdo, but the chances of that are very slim. Most likely you just want to meet the guy to see what he has and you don't because your W replaced you with him. It's not you, it's her.
Don't you go on "feeling" her pain. It is HER pain, not your. Do what is best for you, protect yourself and protect the kids.
