Personally, I am very wary of making long-term decisions based on my short term feelings. That's kind of getting into WAS territory, if you think about it...
This is a really good insight. I think of shaking up a bottle of oil and vinegar, and then just letting things settle over time until they separate. I'm learning to make life decisions only when I have achieved that internal calm.
And I think sometimes responding to your thread (LB55), I get emotionally reactive because of the similarities we share in our situations.
Now that I am calmer than last week when I replied ... I do think letting fear go is important. Your W may go to court for custody. She may be saving up money for lawsuits. She may be delighting in your misery. And it may be all on your dime.
Or you could just be mind-reading her and causing yourself internal emotional turmoil.
Even if you are RIGHT about her, worrying about what your W is thinking is stirring you up. It's outside your control.
I've had some success in my situation just being consistent with my parenting, friendly in my interactions with my W as best as I can. The accusations of being unsafe have disappeared. There has been a general softening lately, although that may be because she realizes we are about to negotiate some things, whereas you are still in limbo.
... I do think letting fear go is important. Your W may go to court for custody. She may be saving up money for lawsuits. She may be delighting in your misery. And it may be all on your dime.