One other thing, I've noticed Many Worries mention not liking telling new poster LBS that likely their WAS was having an A. The implication seemed to be that it was mean (crummy was the word used) and didn't matter anyway.

While the latter is partially true, I believe it isn't mean, and it does matter to an extent.

Detachment is difficult. Very few do it well without trying for a long time. And those struggling with detachment will really not hold up well when something new and traumatic is revealed. The fact is that a very high percentage of BDs are precipitated by an A. And while true that bad behavior on the LBS's part can be a cause of that, the fact is very few WAS make the decision to end their marriage until they are in the limerance stage with someone new.

But to help a LBS deal with this potentiality, I like to warm them up to the idea. I know when I discovered my W's EA in Dec of 2017 I was completely unprepared to deal properly with the BD that ensued. I did all the wrong things. Begged, cried, pleaded, reasoned, used logic, tried to talk her out of it etc.......

Ready2Change once asked me what I would do if my W came to me now and said "I want a D". My response: "Okay, let's go, I'll help you pack." And in fact this is exactly how I reacted a couple of months ago when I discovered her emailing and chatting with a guy online. I was very level-headed, emotionally even, and essentially told her that either it stopped or it was over. Her reaction 2 months ago, and her reaction in Dec. 2017 were night and day.

Most LBS that come here have already failed on the BD response. They've usually already did the begging, crying, pleading, reasoning, using logic and trying to talk their WAS out of it. Now they are trying to GAL, 180, and detach. The last thing they need is to repeat their BD mistake if and when they discover their WAS' EA or PA.

So that is why I try to prepare LBSs for that potential. It can only help them react properly when it comes to fruition.

M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018