Many worries, I am sorry you feel that way. I typically try to avoid confrontation here. If someone gives advice that I don't agree with I typically just give my advice. I think the forum as a whole has done a good job of disagreeing without being disagreeable. Maybe a run through the forum guidelines might be useful.
Glad you were able to turn around your sitch and R! I am in the same position, though we did have a slight speed bump this past summer. Would agree that Ring is difficult? Maybe even more difficult than just giving up and getting D'd. Though I have no experience with latter.
Steve... The effects are felt years after the BD. The progression is never a straight line up, which I'm sure that you are finding out.
It probably took 5 years to feel "normal" again and that was for both of us. It's very important to acknowledge that the spouse went through a lot of things too. For example, if they had an EA or PA...they have to live with the idea of knowing they did that. That can be a lot guilt if the marriage continues.
They have to live with knowing the ask for D.
There is one solid piece of advice I got her about it. Don't hang what happened over your spouse's head like the sword of Damocles.
