Hey Kristin - thanks for popping in on my thread. So sorry you are having to deal with this, but you are in a good place with very good people that have a lot of knowledge to pass on.
Keep the focus on yourself, as others have said. Your goal is to detach as much as possible from your W. It can get confusing for DB newbies - how to detach, what to show to W when an interaction occurs, etc. The thread on detachment is very helpful.
I would suggest you view it this way - you are detaching lovingly. You are allowing W to do what she believes will make her happy. You are allowing her to be free, to be an individual again.
However, with this allowance comes the importance of setting boundaries for yourself. This is crucial. Especially when it comes to OW. In WWs mind there is no R. So, you don't talk about OW. You don't spend time together. You respond in a way befitting a business transaction or cordial meeting. You don't initiate conversations. You are busy getting a life for youself.
It's tricky at first but you will get the hang of it. There's a great "Be the Lighthouse" story here somewhere that I would recommend reading (if one of the other vets has the link immediately available?). Also - read all of the resources in MLC - they have helped me enormously.
Keep the focus on you, and work on strengthening your emotional well being. I've read a lot of self help books, I recommend you do the same. Insight Timer app helps a lot with the anxiety, also.
Stay strong, Kristin, and keep yourself grounded. You will get through this
