... Are the two of you currently attending MC? As has been pointed out, it won't be effective toward reconciliation as long as she's in an affair. IMHO, it would be better for you to have IC......and she can do whatever. ...
Nope. Made the mistake of attending a few MC sessions before WW moved out. I noticed it was not getting thru to WW, and she was spiraling in negative thoughts. At some point, MC said she does not work with couples when there is AP involved still. Then next time I told WW that she does not need to attend, and I do not need her there. I am still going to the same MC for IC, since she has full context and seen us communicate.
Originally Posted by sandi2
... I want you to remember something very important about the WW. She has the unique talent of twisting things to make the H feel as if he is the one who should be trying to earn her trust. I've seen it countless times, and the guy doesn't even catch on to how she has reversed the truth. Sure, he may have been a sorry spouse, but he didn't cheat on her. The WW tries to magnify every mistake he ever made since they first met, and strongly imply that the downfall of their MR is responsible for her affair. Some will even say the H made her do it. smirk You aren't required to straighten her out whenever she makes some indication this is all your fault. ...
For a moment there during MC, she was spiraling and said that our relationship was never good, always lacked passion / romance, and that we were not in love and only lived like roommates. At first, I debated with her a bit. After learning about re-writing history and typical WW quotes, I just kind of looked at her funny like she was crazy and smiled.
Since she moved out, she has completely flipped and now recalls all the positives in our relationship. She even mentioned she can picture sitting on the MC couch, and how her thoughts were completely spiraling in the negatives. Again, I just kind of looked at her, smiled and nodded.
Originally Posted by sandi2
... That's why I want to encourage you to take plenty of space & time away from her. So many guys are just focused on getting her back under the same roof again, and one of the biggest mistakes they can make is taking her back without her being required to make amends and agree to certain terms from him (like transparency, etc.). Taking her back too early and too easily is an invitation for more of the same treatment as when she dropped the bomb. ...
Yeah, prior to her moving out, we had a few relapses of single nights where she did not come home. Each time she seemed to feel guilty about it, but then it would happen again 2 weeks later. This went on for about 2 months. The relapses were extremely painful, re-living fresh pain each time. This is why when she mentioned moving back and working on the relationship last Friday, I immediately cringed at the proposal - couldn't even hide it :P
So we agreed to NOT move back in for now. I mentioned needing some serious professional help before moving back in, but also reminded her that we can't work on the relationship as long as there is an AP. Kind of left it at that.
