Quotes Found on DivorceBusting (8)

[Ready2Change]

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Brace yourself for the inevitable: there is someone else. I know you will deny this, we all go through the denial stage. But all of the markers are there. I am guessing it is someone he works with. I am not saying this to hurt you (though it probably does) but because you have to face the reality of the situation.

My advice? Go whole hog on DBing.

"I responded that I had been hopeful he wouldn't actually go through with this, but now that he was taking action, I needed some time to wrap my head around it. I would be willing to get together to catch up, but I wouldn't be signing anything without my own attorney present."

This response was almost good, but you should have left out: " I would be willing to get together to catch up" That is not LRT. That is more desperate, needy, non-DBing behavior. You should be pulling the plug on all social activities with him. Yes I know this is scary. Most of us that get told this start asking "but then how will I know if he wants to get back together". Trust me on this......IF HE EVER WANTS TO GET BACK TOGETHER, YOU WILL KNOW. It will be unambiguous.

We have a saying around here: When they want to get back together you will know, if they don't you will be confused.

So how are you feeling right now? Confused, right?

Let him go to get him back. Tell him you are not comfortable getting together to sign anything. Tell him to send you the paperwork so you can have your lawyer look it over. Then just stop communicating about it. If he continues to text you about it, just restate that he is to send it to you so that you can have your attorney look it over. He will get angry. He will get mad. He wants to fast track things, take the easy way out. Your job isn't to stop the D, but A) to protect yourself and B) to slow things down so he can have some time to consider what he is actually doing. Do not actively block the D, but don't do anything that helps it along. For instance, if he says "I need to X document from our files, can you find it and send it/bring it?" Your response: "I am sorry, I am very busy at the moment, you are welcome to let yourself in and find whatever you need."

In the meantime........GAL like a madwoman. Do not sit home and stew and worry. Get out and stay active physically and mentally. Join a gym. Find ladies groups. Start going to church (my favorite!). Also, get into IC for yourself. This combines GAL with 180s. We all can improve ourselves, use this time as a chance to make self-improvements.

And finally study and learn what detachment is and start detaching. Detaching in a nutshell is not reacting emotionally to what he says and does. He could come to you and tell you "I have been engaging in threesomes with 2 women at the office" and your response would be a nonplussed "oh....ok." No more crying, begging, pleading.

A certain bald-headed Texas TV psychologist likes to ask women like you "why are you sitting around waiting for this old boy?" So start deciding what you want, and start going out and getting it. (Note: saying you want HIM is not allowed, it has to be things like fulfillment, happiness, etc. IE things he can't provide for you and that you shouldn't be looking to others to provide anyway!)

Finally, realize that you can only control you. Not him. Drop the rope. Detach. Move forward with or without him.