So it's been a really tough week/few days, completely lost track of time. Sunday I joined her and the kids for a family day out. This was mostly a good day, a few minor awkward moments but as a family we had fun.
We returned to the house. She invited me to stay for something to eat. I put the kids to bed and she mentioned how the day had seemed too close to normal and to the past and how she would be happier once I have my own place. I validated that the must have been difficult for her.and I left on kinda good terms.
So I'm drifting in and out of sleep on the studio floor. Unable to stop thinking about her and she phones at 1am in tears that our family dog is really ill. I rush over and he's having severe seizures.
She is distraught.after consulting vet I tell her to go to bed and get some sleep and stay with him all night through further seizures and post seizure recovery.
It's her birthday the following morning and I had taken the kids out to buy their gifts for her.after the kids are taken to school we take the dog into the vets and it's clear it's a brain tumour. At 16years old I have to make the decision to end his suffering.
We were all there at the end and there was a lot of tears and even shared hugs with my wife. It's been a really rough few days.between the death of the dog.my wife's birthday, the dogs funeral today which is also our son's 12th birthday all against the backdrop of them flying off this evening on a family holiday minus me.
We have bonded at times, cried and laughed.but at several times it became clear the walls were in place. Yesterday she was crying and I approached her and she set a clear boundary that she didn't want any comfort. Later in the day she again reiterated how she needed a private life. She also stated after meeting friends last night she had yet to cry about the end of our relationship stating she had felt frozen.
To be honest that really hurt.sounds selfish I know. On the other hand she stated she knew I wasn't a narcissist which is a relief and commented that I had been really good throughout all of this and had seemed "present"
I had to go through all the family photos to find pictures of the dog for the kids.i stopped on just about every photo of her.was really heavy going.
So this evening I've waved them all off on their holiday and here I am on my own in an empty house feeling like I have lost everything my wife, my home, my family life, my dog. This level of change is almost unbearable. In a weeks time I will be in the new property.there will be fewer reasons to attend the house and be around her and the kids. She will have her private time. By me being able to have the kids this will facilitate her being able to have her single life.
Man this is a lot right now. Sorry for the long download.
