Thanks for your responses. Are the two of you currently attending MC? As has been pointed out, it won't be effective toward reconciliation as long as she's in an affair. IMHO, it would be better for you to have IC......and she can do whatever. Some WW's will show up for MC, but their motivation is not to heal and repair. I want you to remember something very important about the WW. She has the unique talent of twisting things to make the H feel as if he is the one who should be trying to earn her trust. I've seen it countless times, and the guy doesn't even catch on to how she has reversed the truth. Sure, he may have been a sorry spouse, but he didn't cheat on her. The WW tries to magnify every mistake he ever made since they first met, and strongly imply that the downfall of their MR is responsible for her affair. Some will even say the H made her do it. You aren't required to straighten her out whenever she makes some indication this is all your fault. However, neither are you required to stand there while she verbally vomits on you. In other words, she's going to tell family & friends her version, making herself look more like victim. Before reconciling with her, she will need to take ownership of the infidelity, and it will be a big mistake if you accept the fault.......believing it will make things easier for her to return to the MR. You see, it's very important that a WW feels remorse for her infidelity and the pain she caused her H, the lies/deceit, etc. Never take her back before she admits how wrong she was and how she deeply regrets hurting you. She owes her H a heart felt apology.
The LBH and WW are on different time waves. Each of them have their own personal issues to work on separately, before they try to work together on the problems they created in the MR. That's why I want to encourage you to take plenty of space & time away from her. So many guys are just focused on getting her back under the same roof again, and one of the biggest mistakes they can make is taking her back without her being required to make amends and agree to certain terms from him (like transparency, etc.). Taking her back too early and too easily is an invitation for more of the same treatment as when she dropped the bomb. Never agree to in-house separation! I've never seen a case where in-house separation was successful. An unrepentant WW who wants to go back home, but sleep in separate bedrooms, is a WW who is not ready to do the necessary work on herself and on the MR. I'm concerned that since she walked away and you are in the home, she'll try to slither back without making any changes. So, beware.
Gotta run, but I'll be back to continue.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You aren't required to straighten her out whenever she makes some indication this is all 
