My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 7

[ovrrnbw]

Hey everyone. Things have been slow on the forums and I decided to update my thread. It's been a strange day. Right be sick or tired and I'm sitting in the garage with the TV on. Needed some fresh air after feeling hot and cold at the office all day.

My life is just buzzing along. Ive been in IC weekly. My SIL got married the weekend before last. I was anticipating the event with some dread. A couple weeks before that i mentioned to W that not wearing rings bothers me. W mentioned "getting married again", and I asked if she meant renewing vows. She said yes. W brought up wearing rings on the SIL wedding weekend. I got mad at first but eventually said I don't want to put them on unless they're staying on. And then she took it off again Monday. I carried a lot of anger last week and it showed. W and I argued more than any week in the last 6 months.

Anyways I've let that go (at least partially), but it's almost just easier to go back to not wearing the rings or thinking about it. Easy...not the best word when it comes to this. Well the wedding went OK until it didn't. I was drunk for a little bit but laid off and sobered up. W was blacked out. There was a couple times where she was talking to some guy and I took it the wrong way. It may have been nothing and it may have been wrong, I don't know. But later that night I decided to not walk to the gas station with her bc I was angry about her talking to this guy. She yelled at me during dinner and it was BS. Then she got back to the hotel and said F Over. So I went to bed. W doesn't remember much of this if any. But I had to get this paragraph off my chest.

Overall, I've been doing well with staying even keeled and not letting things bother me so much. For me, doing well means I'm only halfway to where I want to be. Some small things still bother me.

I haven't spoken to my dad in almost a couple months now. That R is a weird one and I don't know what to do there.

I created an acronym for myself to remind myself to Practice a new way of living, be Patient, and to Listen.

My dog is now 15 months old, American black lab for those who don't know. She is small, about 50 lbs and I like that she is super fast and think as a feather. She retrieved her first birds in September, some blue winged teal on a marsh north of St Charles. It was awesome to see her finally get the real deal and watch all of our training come to life in the field. Our weather finally broke about 1.5 weeks ago, so now we have cool weather. We still saw tons of different migrating birds in September and that is beautiful in itself.

I've been reading some of the old threads between Breakdown and Mach1. I know I still harbor a lot of pain and anger over...something. Not just my W. I carried these with me from well before my marriage. I always enjoy Machs way of questioning people that really makes you think. So now I'm really thinking, really doing, and really trying to figure myself out here. I wish it was just easy. Oh well. I'm ready for a vacation, somewhere warm with lots of animals and pretty country and water. I'm rambling now. Hope you all are healing, growing, and learning. Thanks for lending an ear, this place has changed my life.