Divorce because I betrayed her trust - THREAD 4

[DaB35]

Nice weekend overall.

Couldn't meet my friend as she has been ill unfortunately - we've rescheduled.

Gym went well - went Saturday and Sunday. Personal best in the cycling class (rpm) - bearing in mind I've only gone 3 or 4 times! My plank time is increasing too.

Project work finished and invoiced = pocket money expected soon!

My sister came to visit Saturday and we went into town with my mum. Had a nice few hours. Sister and I took her dog for a walk. Sister confessed she is annoyed at W because she (W) never talked to her much except at family gatherings - she wouldn't keep in touch with her e.g. in FB or WhatsApp or ask how she is etc., even though my sis did so much for her over the years.

Castanet practice today went well. Need to work on strengthening my left hand fingers - weird as I'm left-handed and a pianist - but can play a few orchestral excerpts already. Played a bit on the electric piano in my parents' house today too. My mum said it was nice as she hasn't seen me play it since I was about 24 and living at home. I might take it and put it in my new house.

In a way I'm kinda glad we're selling our house - crime is rapidly increasing in the area sadly. Only a matter of time before we become a victim I suppose.

Caught up on some comedy on TV too - very important to laugh during all this [beep]!

I haven't really thought about her much recently. But I don't feel bad about it. I really feel that I am regaining some 'personal power' as Dr Glover puts it. It feels nice. Not having to go to IC every week is increasing confidence too - my IC said I've really taken everything seriously and have made such massive steps. Porn and messaging other women, for example, is no longer in my life. You know what? I don't miss it, and haven't thought about it. I'm feeling like I can get more done now I'm addressing my issues, and all this gym stuff has been eye-opening. I feel so much better when I come home after a workout! I'm sleeping better. I'm eating really well (I did that before but have kept that up). I'm excited.

I acknowledge the hurt I caused W, and that she went through a distressing time - and I hated seeing her so upset - but after all this is done, I know she won't find someone like the new me at all. She won't be satisfied. I wonder if her previous 3 relationships (where she dumped them after 2 years as for each one she "got bored") have shaped how she was in the M at all. But then she refuses IC so we'll never know. She has chucked away so much. It'll be very satisfying to show this new me to her. Having said that, rest assured I'm not actually waiting for a chance to do that, but if it happens I'll be confident and AMOAFWL "to the max". And it won't be fake; it'll really be me.

Bring on next week...