W has been fairly nice as of lately. Know it means nothing.
I did her a favor and signed a check to release escrow from mortgage company. She closed Joint check account at my request. I was going to close it myself but checked with her first. She wanted to keep it open until the end of the month and we both agreed on that and then she want to close in any way without telling me. That's fine though there was zero balance in there. She offered me dinner the other night. Small gestures that mean nothing has changed, but I give and take with it. S2 has been sick all week. I offered to watch him this weekend after work this Sat so XW could go away with family. BIL went Fri. Night. They celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving every year as family tradition from GF even though they are not Canadian. XW couldn't make up mind whether to take S2 or have me watch him because of cough which is understandable. For the last year despite us seperating, she still keeps requesting I do family occasions with her and S2. I can't tell if these are olive branches, or cake eating with her and her perception. I know I shouldn't care what you think at this point but their actions show that she clearly wants to divorce me, move on with another life in another man in the future. I've refused every invitation for the last year IHS, I have been very consistent about that, yes she still keeps asking me on every family occasion. I have explained to her I'm not doing this to be punitive. Is that I need to heal, that she has hurt me by separating our family and our marriage, I love that won't play family unless we are together as a family. She has told her family that I am just taking my space from everyone. I don't understand why they can't see it from my point of view ? As much as I really really miss her entire family, she knows this, and they know it as well, I don't want to set a precedence that I am going to attend family functions as the Ex. I'm not going to be friends with her until I'm fully healed and I am ready, if I ever decide that. The way I see it is if someone wants to get away from me that bad and removed me from their life piece by piece, action by action, they don't get to cherry pick and choose where they get to have me in their life. Whether it is for their convenience as a courtesy, or whether it is for S2. I am a co-parent I am no longer a husband . If I am not considered as her H in the future, especially if she gets involved on another relationship with another man in the future. I'm not trying to mind read but I know how she thinks. She's probably saying to herself that I'm no different, that I am antisocial, which nothing could be further from the truth. and that I haven't changed. Any 180s as far as attending family functions. I've always attended all of her family functions with joy. I would maybe miss one or two friend occasions during the year to work on the house in the past. Her narrative and perception is I have missed almost every family occasion in the past. To me it seems this is clearly about me handling S2 to her,and doing joint family things together I'm not going to do that. still apparently even though she may be extending the olive branch and being polite. Is clearly not for the marriage or for her it's for the sake of S2 and me seeing her family. I want my respect, and she keeps crossing my boundaries with this, hoping that I will do these things. Clearly she only wants to benefit from them, but I am no longer the benefit of company to her. It's really difficult for me to understand how these people could think this way especially immediately right now given what's going on and then I'm moving out in separating. That I've lost my home, that I've lost my wife, that I've lost my family, and that this whole situation was forced upon me by her hands and her actions.
l kind of know how to handle these family situations, I just don't know if Im going about it the right way. I do want to act Godly and friendly but still maintain my boundaries for my own emotional health for obvious reasons. I know that I need to remove all emotional responses to her. If anyone wants to give me any tips or how to respond to these requests like this in the future, if it comes up again like Thanksgiving or Christmas. I would greatly appreciate it. I need to know whether I'm handling this correctly and if I'm being prideful or if I'm responding correctly.
H: My phone battery is dropping fast today. What is the decision with S2? Are you taking him?
XW: Still not sure... would you consider coming up with him tomorrow for the day if he stays home tonight.
H: Sorry. I don't play family unless I actually belong to one.
H: You can take him tonight, or leave him with me for the weekend. Please let me know so I can make /cancel plans.
