I too have been the planner , spoiler and the fixer . It seems almost against our nature to do the opposite for me at least . Start with just a few 180s. Start taking up some of those offers to GAL . Unhermit yourself and stop being so available . It’s hard . I’ve driven away sobbing at times but as hard as it was I just kept telling myself I can do this . I am also a newbie here so I have some mixed feelings on certain things the vets are way better at answering . I have made very clear to my H That I will not date while married . What he chooses he does but I do not have to change my values . At one point he almost pushed me to date . I think to make him feel less guilt saying it. Nope not going to happen . Cake eating is hard to stop . I look at some of it as if it’s having a positive effect then some of it I allow . Some of it I over the last few weeks didn’t even lay a boundary on I just didn’t respond to it and made it no longer available . Does allowing him in the home to enjoy family time seem to show progress on my sitch - yes . H has increased time here and shows he is happy here , comfortable, make attempts to spend more family time and connect the kids . After a year of her cake eating is there a positive effect or no ? GAL and stop being so available . I occasionally pick up the phone when I GAL there’s kids involved in my end but if it’s not kid related just a quick friendly I’m out right now I’ll talk to you later .
