The hardest two things I find about boundaries and validating is remembering that (1) less is more, and (2) don't get riled up by what they say - no matter how wrong you believe it is - and remain calm.
The examples given above by CW are great. You don't say much, and when you do you say it calmly, slowly and pleasantly so the spouse has absolutely no way of accusing you of being argumentative at all.
I did this all wrong myself; when everything kicked off my W would call me and we'd go round and round for hours. I'd get frustrated at her assuming things but would stutter my arguments in a panicked way. I wish I found this site back in May as I'd have learnt some excellent DBing skills to try out over the phone/by text back then. Nevermind!
If there are no terms, just do as per the examles above. It definitely sounds like controlling behaviour, I agree.
The boundaries thread is very useful. Start with that then the validating thread after.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
