First, the kids. I also have a hard time with knowing exactly what to tell them. My kids don't know that W had (at least) an EA. I feel like I'd like them to know some of the WHY behind things. But, they haven't asked of specifics, and they are staying with W every other week. D does not have a good relationship with W (even though it seems like W has been trying lately), and son seems fine but somewhat indifferent with her. My relationship with them is great. At this point the EA was about 2.5 years ago. They haven't asked for specifics and their relationship already isn't great with W, so I haven't given them the details of that. I think if she was still actively in that EA, or that it had continued on longer than it did (OM got married shortly after to someone else) then I may have made the move to tell them. I don't want to unload on them more than they can handle or need, but my struggle has been with exactly what that means. I've been feeling it out and I think I've made the right decision for my sitch, but everyone's is different.
I also wanted to touch on dating. I would advise most people against it until they are fully healed. About 6 months after W moved out (which was about a year and a half after BD) I started going on a couple of dates. Mainly I was really lonely and I felt like I had progressed to a point where I wasn't depressed every waking hour of the day. I felt like I was better enough to explore opportunities. The truth is, I was lonely and wanted to feel loved. So, I met a girl that I really like and have been dating her for a while now. I now realize that it was a mistake. This girl I met is amazing. She is smart, funny, a great cook, loves almost all the same things as me...and she really likes me. At first it was great! Well, its still great, but I realize now that getting myself involved with someone else before I was healed was A) slowing down my healing by distracting me with another relationship, and B) not fair to her because I can't really give her my all.
Thing is, I realize I've hit a bit of an emotional wall. I really like her, but I can't seem to get past a certain point with the development of my feelings for her. I realize now that its because I haven't really fully healed from the sitch with W. So, now it seems that dating has caused more complexity within my situation. I like everything about this girl, yet I realize that I'm not really ready to be in a full time relationship. I wanted you to know how dating is for me so you could gain some insight in to what it might be like if you did. It would probably feel great at first being that you have been emotionally depraved from your H. Its nice to have someone to tell you all the things you've wanted to hear from H. But, after being told those nice things, there is a relationship with someone new to maintain.
I'm sorry to hear about all the nasty things H is doing to you in court. One day you'll be seeing all this stuff in the rear view mirror. Won't it be nice to eventually get out from under all this mess? It will happen...its hard during this part, but you will get past this to the next chapter of your life.
