Truth. I'm surrounded by well meaning friends who encourage me to file first, to move on and throwing out words like "new beginnings". These people don't understand that I'm a LBS that did major damage to WAH for years.
We've been together for 30 years and this will sound completely insane but given the extent of the damage I've done I think it would be disrespectful to give up, file or move on. It's like hey sorry I hurt you in ways I will never fully understand but I'm tired of waiting so here are your papers and can you hurry it up my new bf is waiting.
I owe it to WAH to make amends even I never see him again. Amends is changing my behavior for the better (we have kids), GAL, detaching to heal and staying single. Unless it harms me or my kids I will wait until he ends limbo (he will end it eventually) and I won't date until 2 years after the D is final.
The work is brutal and the thought of waiting years is depressing but having a clean conscious knowing I did everything I could to save our family will be worth it.
kas - I like your mindset. I have empathy for my W amidst all the other conflicting emotions. The most respectful thing I can do is work on myself and address my issues - for my sake, for my kids, for all my relationships with friends and family and colleagues.
