I just want to hit on some points that you commented on above. The first is something AS talks about all the time and that you are probably never going to understand what happened. I am not even sure WWs know for sure why they are choosing this path. They have to believe in some way life we will be better.
One of my D'd friends told me recently that as time passes he understands less and less why his D happened. I know that I should not expect closure and that I will never understand. That doesn't mean I won't spend time trying though
Originally Posted by LH19
The next point is the fixable comment. Again I think all the LBS feel the same way. In my case my ex and I were still physically attracted to one another, enjoyed the same things, financially set for life etc. We just didn't know how to meet each other's needs. By the time I realized we were in crisis mode she was done and didn't want to try anymore. I feel good in the fact that once I knew we were in trouble I gave everything I could to save my marriage. You will get there too.
It's the same story for so many of us, right? By the time we come here, our spouse is done.
I always feel like I could have done more. But I also feel like I tried in my own way the best that I could. When my W says I didn't "win her back" I think... that's how it works in the movies, real relationships take both parties working. And I don't think she worked at it. She was not honest and open with me. Whether that was her fear or insecurities or resentment, relationships don't work without some level of open communication and a willingness to talk about difficult things.
Originally Posted by LH19
Last comment is have you thought about moving back in until the house sells to save on money?
This is a really interesting point and I will think about it. That house does have a separate guest area with its own mini-kitchen. I would have to break my current lease, but in my state the landlord is obligated to re-rent the property as quickly as possible.
I am concerned that this would make the situation more intense for awhile and disrupt my own healing process. But it is something to consider.
