Sorry Lost. You and I are on a similar timeline. My XH denied an OW right up until he went on vacation with her this past March. Swore on our children’s lives there was no one else!!! Now they are engaged and planning a wedding next summer. The ridiculousness of it cannot be overstated. But...it is his life...he can wreck it if he wants to.
In a way...I’m kinda glad he lied to me for so long because it gave me time to get through some of the worst of the “withdrawal” symptoms without adding the extra heartache of being replaced. For what it’s worth...I think the emotions he showed when you saw him the last time were real. My XH cried but he was still determined to start his life over and reinvent himself. Unfortunately, we had kids together so I still have to be in contact with him and our paths inevitably cross in the community from time to time.
I know what you mean about missing him from time to time and wondering if it is him you miss or just the memories. In my case, I think it is the memory of him but even more accurately, the memory of the life I thought we had and would have had if he had been a different person...the kind who actually had the strength of character to honour his vows and work through tough times. I thought he was that guy when I married him. I was mistaken and I know now he is not that guy. But the heart takes a while to catch up to the head...it is a process. Like me, you are through the worst of it and now it is just time you need to fully heal.
I think the distance you have from your H will make it easier to take that time and move forward. Next year at this time, you will be feeling even better. And it must be said...I cannot think of a better place to heal than with family in a beautiful place like Hawaii. I’m jealous. I’ve been to Hawaii three times and it is heaven on earth. (((HUGS)))
