My story 2

[SteveLW]

[quote=CWarrior][quote="LH19"]
She is going to be in for a wake up call when she sees our response.

This is why it is so important to not have expectations. In my sitch, whenever I thought I was dropping a bomb on her that would wake her up and get her to see what she was losing, she shrug it off like an elephant shrugs off an ant. I remember sitting her down and telling her that I was not interested in being in a marriage with someone that would be chatting with people online, and that my boundary was for her to agree to full transparency. Her response was "Okay, well I will get my resume done."

The exact opposite of the reaction I expected. The very next day, after she had spent the evening previous, and the next morning and afternoon working on her resume, of which I was completely supportive, she started having second thoughts. I happily answered her resume questions, gave suggestions and feedback, offered to buy any resume writing and interviewing books she would need. She came out of the office that evening, very emotionally, and started saying "what if I am not doing the right thing?" I said: You have to do what you need to in order to be happy. "Yeah but God hates divorce." I said: That's true, but he also hates sin, so if the best way for you to avoid sin moving forward is to get a D, then so be it.

I thought I dropped a dose of reality on her on Friday night. Nothing.

The dose of reality came when suddenly I was supporting her decision (to get a job, to get and apartment, to get a D).

MJ, I am not sure if I had this conversation with you or not, but when we as LBSs do what they WAS expects us to do, nothing usually changes. By time the WAS cheats, says they want D, BD's you, etc, they've already decided that their actions are going to hurt you. To upset you. To make you anxious. They expect us to be angry, sad, and to hold on for dear life.

When we do the exact opposite of that, when we are happy, content, and willing to let go, it makes them go "Hmmmm, what is going on here?!" It can be the seed that gets planted to make them question whether or not they really know what they are doing. But here is the kicker: it can't be fake. They will see through that and it won't work. Trying to manipulate your WAS into staying won't work. You have to genuinely find a place where you are happy, content and willing to let go. WASs can sniff out manipulation attempts like a bloodhound.

So guess what, she expects your response. She expects you to fight. She expects you to not go quietly into the night. Here is your goal: Find a way to be accommodating to a fault, but still protect yourself. Money is money. Don't get caught up in the drama of trying to fight with her over money. Go for what is most important, 50/50 with your kids. Most of the time WAWs use custody of the kids to try to squeeze every drop of support out of the LBH. So don't make it about that. Go for 50/50 custody AND accommodate her with support. Try to avoid the temptations of fighting over material things, because they are not worth it.