I go through this cycle every now and again. I have never wanted to get divorced. Yet I am struggling to see a future for myself if I don't push this to finality. I guess I am in limbo land for a while longer.
This really resonates, LB. The thing I've come to realize is that I am doing all the things I can to push into the future, and I am working hard toward the same goals I had before all this started. It has taken much longer than I originally planned, but I am more able to focus on them now. The only thing that has changed is that W may not be there now. Which is so odd because before, she was all in on these goals, and in some cases these goals were her idea...(!)
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I am having a tough time with this because this is what she wants yet she isn't moving forward with it either. Seems to be quite comfortable living in our nice house with me paying her way. Not sure what shoe will drop to get this moving in either direction. It feels like one of those 'she is waiting for me to do it and I am waiting for her to do it' scenarios.
I think if its MLC, it might seem like they are comfortable on the outside, but they are a tornado of chaos on the inside. Following many attempts on my part to understand where W was coming from before I found DB, I had a front row seat to W's mental state through a dozen different arguments/fights/discussions - and it was remarkable to me how all over the map she was/is compared to who she was before.
I keep telling myself like a mantra - have empathy. She is going through something. I don't understand it and neither does she right now.
Some days I succeed in remembering this, others not so much. Part of the battle, I guess.
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I keep wondering if she is stalling to save up money so she can surprise me with more expensive lawsuits and more fighting to take away the kids. She seems to get joy out of my misery and sorrow. I am avoiding contact with her outside of a text about the kids at all cost.
Frustrating if nothing else.
This is really frustrating, man. We want to know, but we cannot. Only we know when we've had enough, or if we are willing to keep standing. Keep GALing - try not to focus on what she's doing or why. That will lead nowhere.
