Not talking about something, burying it, and it will come back later
Hi Gerda,
I don't believe we really know each other welll, but wanted to echo DnJ's sentiments above. I think not talking about things (anything, really) is in part a behavior that may lead to NGS and/or other avoidant behaviors. I know that I learned some of that from my own parents, and I'm actively seeking to re-learn how to engage with the world around me.
If your parents see you authentically engaging with the world around you - including the difficulties you are currently facing - they will see that at the end of this their mother will come out out a stronger woman despite/because of the adversity she faced.
And they will internalize that they too have the ability to face the world head-on. I think that's what's needed in a strong marriage. The courage to keep trying, even when things do eventually get hard. Because all marriages reach a point where it gets really, really tough.
Personally, I believe in having a growth mindset (as opposed to a fixed mindset). There's a definition for that: "In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point." So we are all still growing through life, and with the growth mindset you can tackle the tough parts of a marriage, not just give up and say "Oh, I wasn't built for this."
Sharing the details with your kids and being age-appropriately honest with them shows you are in a growth mindset becuase you're looking at the world around you and responding in a way that is best for you. They can see you working through it. That will stick with them.
