So you don’t think that I should even go to just one session to see if I can have a neutral third party basically say the same thing that you need to end this.
M:39 W:36 D: 4 D: 2 BD:8/22/2019 Currently dealing with a WW
My wife did the same thing your WW did. She came to me out of no where and asked could I set up counseling for us. After me asking months prior and her saying no. She came up with a few excuses after I made the first appointment, and I had to reschedule once or twice. I never got impatience and I didn't badger her about going.
IMO, since she asked I would go and listen to what she has to say and what the counselor could probably get thru to her.
My wife got asked some questions by the counselor we went and saw that had her questioning her choices. Will that happen for your W. I don't know. Just giving my experience. I will say, this first counseling session is not a time to start blaming and looking to knock you W over her head. It's a great time to listen and hear what's causing her some many problems. Even, if they aren't true, they are her beliefs and she has a right to hold them.
Joejoe
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
My wife did the same thing your WW did. She came to me out of no where and asked could I set up counseling for us. After me asking months prior and her saying no. She came up with a few excuses after I made the first appointment, and I had to reschedule once or twice. I never got impatience and I didn't badger her about going.
IMO, since she asked I would go and listen to what she has to say and what the counselor could probably get thru to her.
My wife got asked some questions by the counselor we went and saw that had her questioning her choices. Will that happen for your W. I don't know. Just giving my experience. I will say, this first counseling session is not a time to start blaming and looking to knock you W over her head. It's a great time to listen and hear what's causing her some many problems. Even, if they aren't true, they are her beliefs and she has a right to hold them.
Joejoe
I appreciate the input. Regardless of what happens we are tied together forever because we have 2 kids together. I would like to hear what she has to say currently about things without her twisting my words around whenever she has a chance to. Which is why I’m contemplating a going to a session or two. But if she doesn’t give some sort of concrete action that the A is over i can’t see how it is a beNefit to continue. But I also agree with the above. If she won’t end the A, it’s difficult to try and do anything with our relationship.
It drives me nuts that she isn’t able to see reason in this state. I also was like seriously you want to do counseling but you won’t pause the D paperwork.
M:39 W:36 D: 4 D: 2 BD:8/22/2019 Currently dealing with a WW
So you don’t think that I should even go to just one session to see if I can have a neutral third party basically say the same thing that you need to end this.
If you go,no expectations.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Get what YOU are saying MJ. You want to get her into some kind of silver bullet shooting board so as to break her fantasy bubble. YOU say you are tied with her forever regarding the kids on the other hand. Be consistent with yourself. Don´t get sunk into the fantasy mist.
NO expectations. You are moving forward MJ.
And remember to believe half of what the WWs say. We are nuts most of the time.
Am I even being realistic that this could break the fantasy bubble?
What I mean about tied to her forever is that I will always have to see her because of the kids.
I’m just so over the lying at this point. The fantasy bubble is literally insanity. My IC Il has been saying the same things you guys have been about the A and not doing counseling.
Is the only thing that breaks the fantasy bubble time and reality setting in?
M:39 W:36 D: 4 D: 2 BD:8/22/2019 Currently dealing with a WW
I have to say this. I should of stated this in my first post. My W came to me after, I had let go. I had started to move forward with my life. She could feel it. She started to get curious of what I was doing and asking questions, calling and texting me. But I let go and let go hard. It hurt really bad to let go, but I start to feel myself and my attachment disappearing. And out of no where, maybe my W talked to some people, I think her dad and she comes asking to go to counseling.
I didn't know if she was in a R with OM, I didn't give him any energy, I didn't ask about him or bring him up. I just stated she had an A. I took all attention off of the OM and put it on me and her. I'm the catch and my worth and value exceeds all worldly things. And that's how I carried myself.
joejoe
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Counseling, and a comfirmed active affair? Tell you what? Ask to see her phone. Reject any shaming language that you "are controlling" If all checks out. You have no literal or behavioral evidence. Have her make the appointment. If she won't or doesn't or hesistates? Proceed back to NC. I've experienced such twisting of perception of myself wanting to counseling, to being outright rejected 5 times to be allowed to go, only to have them blame it on me that "I didn't want to go if we weren't working on the M" Its complete insanity of what they make up in their minds from month to month with their perception, that I had to take notes of all conversations. Then? I just stopped. I stopped all interacting except by email. Let her actions speak louder than words. But like everyone here says. Don't get roped into being plan b or plan c. Don't use M counseling as a validation check list for her to just air all of her grievances to get a counselor to agree and validate with her too and cement her justifications. But do listen to them. You have your perception, your truth, and your story too. Don't ever let someone justify that it is your behavior that led them to cheating. That is something that narcs do.
Am I even being realistic that this could break the fantasy bubble?
Is the only thing that breaks the fantasy bubble time and reality setting in?
No.
Yes.
Your first question tells me you are still in denial. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. The former means action (hiring a lawyer, GAL, moving on, etc), the latter means no action. Hope is something you do internally, not externally.
If you are going into MC hoping for a miracle, you are attaching expectations. That will get your grapes crushed. Hard. Then all you'll have left is grape juice.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
