I find I’m waking up every day super depressed and then gradually I feel better throughout the day.
Hey U. I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I know its little consolation but you're not alone. I feel the same. It's a struggle every day to put on my best face and push away the need to feel hurt.
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W wants to talk about the house and mortgage this weekend. Says she is stressed about us spending into our savings. I don’t know what that means, but we are spending into our joint savings and I would agree we should move quickly. I’m also frustrated she has yet to get back working. She said she wasn’t emotionally ready and I thought, “I’m lucky I didn’t get fired in the last year going through this emotional nightmare.”
Not trying to pile on in any way here, but far as I can see, there isn't much to talk about. The house will have to go - that's what I told my W too. It's also what caused my W to second guess herself. I'm not saying it will happen in your sit, but it's a big reality check.
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I’m really hurt right now. I know it’s over and I don’t want to be with her. But I’m hurt that she didn’t just tell me. She was so cold and heartless the last year. So many blowup fights where I tried to fix things when really she was just full of resentment towards me. I would get emotional at times because of her distance and she turned this into a narrative of emotional abuse.
Remember U - she is going through something. It is not rational or logical. My W did the same thing, save the emotional abuse narrative. Instead she dug up some simple grievances that were correctable on my part, strung them together and blamed it all on me. I listened and validated - but none of it was justifiable for a split. At first i believed her, i thought it all was my fault. But it is not. A marriage is 50-50, both partners are to blame for the problems.
WASs need the justification to do what they are doing. My W was much more logical and practical than I was before her MLC or whatever started. Old W would have brushed new W off with a "whatever, you're crazy" speech.
This is tough, U. It [censored]. There is no getting around seeing other people oblivious to your sit, it is just something that you'll eventually get used to. Even though I dont have kids I feel it too - when I see couples who are interacting playfully with each other like my W and I did all the time. Sometimes at a party that is all I see - and I have to remove myself from the room for a few moments to breathe and re-center.
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I need to make myself whole and right. This is going to be a rough year ahead settling this divorce.
It doesn't have to be a rough year unless you want it to be. You've already been through the worst of it. And please don't think about a whole year down the road. That's too far right now - it will only lead to more anxiety.
Take care of yourself and your kids. The rest will follow in due time.
