I find I’m waking up every day super depressed and then gradually I feel better throughout the day.
W wants to talk about the house and mortgage this weekend. Says she is stressed about us spending into our savings. I don’t know what that means, but we are spending into our joint savings and I would agree we should move quickly. I’m also frustrated she has yet to get back working. She said she wasn’t emotionally ready and I thought, “I’m lucky I didn’t get fired in the last year going through this emotional nightmare.”
I’m really hurt right now. I know it’s over and I don’t want to be with her. But I’m hurt that she didn’t just tell me. She was so cold and heartless the last year. So many blowup fights where I tried to fix things when really she was just full of resentment towards me. I would get emotional at times because of her distance and she turned this into a narrative of emotional abuse.
I went to the zoo with the kids yesterday. So many couples with their kids. The moms on their phones texting friends, the dads on their phones checking fantasy football. Barely watching their kids. And none of them going through this hell. I know I have my issues on anxiety and indecision. But I also know I make a great partner for someone who loves me back.
I need to make myself whole and right. This is going to be a rough year ahead settling this divorce.
