[ovrrnbw]

So after GAL last night which was great as always I ended up going on a date with H. Great time as always ( is enjoying dates has never been an issue ). So as I was getting ready to leave to go to my home I’ve been noticing he becomes clingy . Takes deep breaths . Just stares at me . But I proceed to say I had a great time . I’m gonna head home and leave . All I can say is this is by far the hardest thing I have done . I smiled and pulled away . Then come the texts and phone calls from him . Maybe temp checks ?? I would normally poor my heart out but didn’t . Even though I was crying driving when he called I quickly pulled it together . Then he initiates a R talk . Telling me living in 2 worlds is slowly killing him . He actually admitted to having a part of him wanting to come home but doesn’t trust we won’t fall back into the same patterns and have toxic fights . But also admitted the part of just wanting to not try anymore . I tried validating but did awful . I think I was caught off guard . I didn’t argue but said I’m never gonna ask you to come home that’s a decision only you can make . He has really started to spend more time with me and at home but I got that feeling he’s about to run hard the other way . What will be shall be .

I think you are doing great. Seriously. I know your heart is telling you to pursue, to reach out and pull him in close to tell him how much you care... I am choked up just thinking about that. But you are strong. You did resist that urge because deep down you know he isn't ready. Work on being the most attractive Caligirl you can be!!

The fact that he is questioning his decision is good. He may try to goad you into arguments so that you can be the boogeyman he needs to blame. Don't do it. Don't get in the way of him questioning what he's doing.

I love that you told him you aren't going to ask him to come home. Very strong.