Not willing to quit

[Adam04]

Turbine,

I am sorry to hear this is going on for you still. Nothing seems to have changed and it wont until you do. She is gone and you are still pining away with too much focus on her.

Can I ask since you are a religious person, does it really matter in the end? Does her being by your side really matter in the grand scheme of things? Isn't it just you and God, your maker? If you had a list of all your wrongs, do you have to make them right by her? Or do you want to make them right with yourself and God?

You've been at this for a year. We come here broken and beat up and we slowly try to heal and rebuild. Where are you in your process? Can you heal and rebuild while still holding on and clinging to her?

Sometimes from reading your posts she has been mean and maybe you feel its warranted because of the way you treated her in the past. That doesn't give her right to walk all over you. And this latest bit of info about having a BF... I would be a little angry about that too and like IH said, use that energy and turn it into something positive.

Know your worth and stop the self pity.

And please stop thinking that suicide will do any good. I think I get it that you want her to see the level of pain that she is causing you and I think you have your answer. She won't care so it will be pointless to try and do that to hurt her when you will be hurting so many other people who DO CARE about you. There is no logic in that thinking so please stop that.

I'm not saying these things to be mean or to be without compassion. I can identify with much of what you are going through and have felt, and it does no good to linger in that space you are in for so long.

I read your last post to IH about you two still being married and she is just not acting like it. Not sure if you are hearing yourself as you're going thru D, having your world turned upside down, her telling you she's got a BF, and you're wondering if she's only doing that to hurt you, like its some dream.

I don't know what it will take for you to wake up out of this and love yourself and her enough to let her go, not in this selfish way. This is still all too selfish.

You have the grit to make it through this.