#16 - Recovering from speed bump, piecing and Ring

[hoosjim]

I've had 20 years (off and on) of IC and honestly it's like kicking a drug habit all the IC in the world can't fix this. I know why I'm addicted but the cure is to go cold turkey. I need to learn to sit with the bad feelings without a man in my life.

WAH doesn't want me. That is my truth. I can go seek another man or I can learn to live without one. I think the short term pain is better than continuing to be in pain for the rest of my life. If I seek another man before I fix this I'll be right back here in no time. Guarantee it.

kas, I feel for you, and i know what you're going through. You think you need this one person, or perhaps just any person, to make you happy, and you don't know how you're going to survive without them. I was there myself. But, I'd urge you to read my most recent post just above here, on seeking happiness versus experiencing joy. My W and i bothwent through this journey, each of us in our different ways, and it was transformative. Bottom line is that if you go searching for "true happiness" outside yourself, you will forever be seeking. You need to find joy/satisfaction/thankfulness/happiness(if you must call it that) within yourself. You have to be "good" and whole on your own. My pastor is fond of saying that he hates the phrase "you complete me", because when you put two broken/incomplete people together you dont get a "complete" anything... you get a pair of broken/incomplete people. The best relationships are ones where each person, even with all their goods and bads, is comfortable in their own skin and, despite whatever ghosts or brokenness they have experienced, bring a "whole" person to the relationship. It's the difference between codependence and interdependence. That's why GAL's and 180s are so integral to DB-ing... it's all about building YOU up and making YOU the best person you can be... someone you can be happy being whether you're with a man or single. My W and I found this primarily through faith. However you go about trying to find it, my hopes and prayers are that you do... you are a unique person with unique gifts and a unique purpose on this earth.. celebrate that!