Think only about today. Yes, you will at some point have to think about things in the future, but that time is not now. Your emotions are going to be all over the map. Let things settle a bit, refocus, find your center again.
When things get stressful, narrow your timeline wayyyy down and focus on what is happening right now.
You are a smart guy and you knew this was all coming. And now it's happened.
And you survived it.
Stay strong, man.
Thanks IW - I know that I *can* find center, but that it will take me some time.
Back in April, before I found DB, I was home alone for about a week and suffered several (I think) mild panic attacks. 30-40 minutes of feeling like I couldn't breathe, lots of crying. I spent hours typing out my thoughts. I typed out several apology letters (in addition to the ones I had already given my W) and chose to delete them (thankfully). I called my IC 3 times that week.
I survived.
I recognize the symptoms now. Waves throughout the day, lasting about an hour, where I just want to release the tension. Then sometimes a calm feeling. Meditation helps me only when I'm in a calmer state but I'd like to get back to that.
It's a scary lonely feeling. Before this week, I can't say I was hoping to reconcile, but I at least felt somewhat stable in our situation (even though financially it was not sustainable in any way). My W was my rock for so many years. I let friendships tail off, I disconnected from my own family. I don't have that rock anymore. I have to fend for myself. It is scary, even though I know people do it all the time. I'm going to get through this, but it's going to take time.
