Thanks. It's starting to make sense. I'll post what i was going to email here for any advice.
Has your W ever been to an IC? Just reading through the description of her actions and words, she may be dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder or maybe bi-polar. I have listed the traits of a borderline below according to the DSM-5 of which for an offical diagnosis is 5 of the below symptoms but some people can certainly show borderline traits associated with another personality disorder.
-Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
-A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting") <you're either all good in their eyes (idealization) or all bad (devaluation)
-Identity disturbance: Markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
-Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
-Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior
-Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
-Chronic feelings of emptiness
-Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
-Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
My W is a diagnosed borderline and cycles very rapidly from idealization to devaluation. There is no gray area. You're seen in either white (good/idealization) or black (bad/devaluation)
