The #1 thing harped on in law school with regard to custody is the court will only make changes to the custody arrangement initially ordered if it passes the "best interests of the child" test. That is the standard the court always uses with regard to petitions for modifications. Now, the argument can be made that equal parenting time is in the best interests of the child(ren). However, she can (and I'm sure will) argue that to make such drastic changes to their environment and lives isn't. Its a tough one and one I'm not sure you really want to roll the dice on.
If you are wanting something that trends toward 50/50 down the road, that absolutely needs to be built into the initial Stipulation and Agreement. Don't just assume or plan on being able to come to that agreement down the road. Some sort of adjustment after a few years should be agreed to, signed and executed by you and your STBExW from the get-go. That's just my opinion on it. I can't count how many times I've either had people come to me or heard the horror stories of LBS just going along with their WAS or WS wishes hoping that by being amenable will bring them back or thinking that kicking that can down the road is easiest and they end up getting fuched in the end.
As the saying goes....when you 'assume' you make an 'ASS out of U and ME' ;-)
Wanted -
Thank you so much for posting this.
I will *absolutely not* assume we can hit 50/50 in the future. I know not to count on this.
What I think I want to do (still mulling this over) is what you suggest - building in 50/50 down the road into the initial stipulation and agreement.
My other option is go for 50/50 now. That would assuredly put us in court.
I am really struggling with this question.
On the one hand, starting at less than 50/50 is an easier transition for everybody. But I recognize this might be my Nice Guy tendencies, and I need to think hard about this. Even if "future 50/50" is written into the legal agreement, I'm sure there are pitfalls to getting that done when the time comes.
On the other hand, starting at 50/50 would be more challenging up front for everyone (me, wife, kids), and probably involve a lot more legal and emotional turmoil. But if I got it, we would be set going forward.
I'm really torn emotionally on this question. I can't describe how torn I am.
Yep, I understand completely. I was in a similar situation. ExW and I worked together. When she flew the coop she saddled me with two offices and all the workload. So, I had to navigate handling double the workload plus caring for 3 kids under 7 50% of the time. I knew I had to figure it out on the fly so that I was set for the future as far as custody was concerned. Let me tell you, it was a massive adjustment. But like everything, now it has become the norm and isn’t an issue at all. I feel like you should do 50/50 right now and make it work for the time being. It’ll get better and easier. Then you aren’t stressed about the what if’s down the road. If it’s gonna be a battle, might as well wage war now and get it over with. Plus, the added respect she might gain for you is an added bonus.
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
