I texted him that I had stayed home from work because I had an eye infection. Two days later, he texts me, “How’s your eye?” I responded with “I texted you about my eye two days ago. Do you actually even care how it is?” An hour later he texts, “yes”. That’s it. No explanation of any kind or acknowledgement that my response was a bit testy. It’s like he didn’t even notice. TBH, I actually laughed when I read it. It is so him.
Ok. I laughed when I read that as well.
I mean really. “Yes”. That’s it?!? Lol.
So a lot of viewpoints here. I’ll add another to the mix.
From what you’ve said over the last 5 months Jack does have a peculiar conversing style, especially, or maybe just, when you two are apart. Why? I could guess, but does it matter? You cannot fix it, and maybe it doesn’t need fixing.
You can tell him what you would like from him, in the form of texting while apart. You could even have expectations for certain behaviours or even boundaries - if this is a hill you are willing to die for.
Personally, I would talk him. See what and where he is at, and let him know where you are at.
An interesting thought is what do you think this looks like from his point of view? Demanding, or caring, or needy, or does he not categorize it.
I sense no malicious intent about him from your retelling of his behaviours. I would say he is pretty non-culpable here, regarding texting and phone calls.
If you need more, then that’s something for you to look at. If you want more, then ask him, talk to him, tell him.
A word on comprise. It is not a good solution. Not something to strive for. It is a lose-win scenario.
Likewise the win-lose scenario is just as harmful to a relationship. And in the lose-lose outcome, well no one wins.
We usually see things as our way or their way. Yeah, we think we find some middle ground and call it a compromise, but no one really wins there. Find the true 3rd alternative - a win-win scenario.
This only happens if both parties are willing to look at what constitutes wins for each, and then finds a solution that addresses them. It is really amazing some of the win-win solutions that have be found, and would never have been discovered if a compromise was the goal. It is true that sometimes a compromise is the best solution possible, however it is rare.
A funny example to illustrate. Two people work in an office. Barb wants the window open for fresh air. Dan wants the window closed due to noise and the breeze blowing in. At first it looks like even a middle ground compromise isn’t possible - the window can’t be both open and shut. It has to be one or the other.
However, what is a win for each? Barb wants fresh air. Dan wants no noise or breeze. Many solution are possible. One solution: Open the window at night when no one is there, and let in fresh air. Then shut it for the day. Barb has a fresh office, and Dan has peaceful environment.
It’s not about the window. Maybe it’s not about the texting. Look at what your’s and Jack’s wins are and go from there.
Anyhow, just food for thought.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
