So, I'm torn. Common advice on here seems like it would be to detach, not put pressure on the situation, and focus on my own growth. NMMG might recommend voicing your displeasure, and not allowing yourself to feel like a secondary option or for your time to be wasted.
Any thoughts?
Your question is framed in a way that maybe you are trying to control what happens.
Sometimes we get a little cultish here about standing our ground and being that lighthouse forever. Don't confuse the issue. The goal is not to win your W back. The goal is to become a healthier, happier Steve. 99 times out of 100 taking that time and space to work on ourselves and let go of the rope is the right decision.
But sometimes I think it isn't the right decision.
At some point, that may mean telling your W this isn't working for you. Or it might mean buckling down and detaching and focusing on yourself, continuing to stand. The more you go through this process, the more I think you will get in touch with your inner values and feelings. And this will help drive you to make confident, self-assured decisions about what you want to do next.
The problem I have with NMMNG is that us NGs can pretty easily do the "detach and relieve pressure" thing. It's not natural for us maybe, but it feels like we are "doing" something healthy and it certainly gets rid of any clingy or codependent behaviors. But real NG recovery involves being able to speak up for ourselves - the issue is that NGs have trouble even figuring out what their "self" wants to say. I'm not sure if this resonates for you, but it is how I feel. I am gradually getting in touch with my values, and with that, I become more confident. Once you hit a certain level of confidence, I think you will know internally what you want to do, whether that is continuing to stand, speaking up, moving on, what have you.
I'm encouraging you to focus on your values to make your decisions. We can give you advice what to say or do, but you will feel much happier about your decisions if they come from within, especially if you feel they are driven from your core values.
