Shame and devastation

[Jdevast]

Ok.so it's been about a week since I posted.

I returned to town and agreed for me to pick kids up from school.i returned with them to the house and she said she would be going out while I spent time with the kids.kids put to bed and I didn't hear from her so went to bed in spare room.helped pack the kids off and returned to shower.she had been amicable but then started shouting about how she didn't feel safe with me in the house.she is a sexual abuse survivor and stated she had been having extreme traumatic night terrors.and demanded I leave the house again.next breath saying she needed help with the business.i could pick the kids up from school and leave once I'd put them to bed.this went on for two days.each evening she starts sharing with me about upcoming holiday,emotional stuff about family abuse,issues with my parents etc.each time the next day (I suspect after talking to her friends) all the barriers are back up.shes in trauma and wants me out of the business again.demanding to know when I will have a place a job etc.we got on well last night talking about kids and she started a talk about how perhaps my mother was a narcissist.( her mother is)

This morning after arriving to drop kids off I am literally the devil.has accused me of manipulating her into chats because she felt sorry for me.said she's calling me out as being an abusive passive aggressive narcissist and that she wants me completely out of her life again wanting to know nothing about me and at the same time demanding to see my appointments with mental health services as yet again she believes I threatened suicide as a way of controlling her and that our entire relationship has been me psychologically abusing her.

I'm venting, I know I failed and neglected her,have been dependent and emotionally damaging to her at the same time between her own issues with childhood abuse and these friends who she quoted as saying.he's only helping out to manipulate you back despite her starting these chats and me just being responsive and validating.
Just ranting to get it off my chest.

I know I need to just detach somehow.any contact results in same outcome.

Just don't know how to do it when truly love somebody.

All advice welcome.