Thanks B & Juju for your thoughts. Jack and I are definitely headed for a serious conversation soon. He will be here this weekend but it’s my last weekend at the resort so not sure I want to ruin it with a relationship talk. I’m still thinking a lot about what it is that I want as when I started dating, I told myself I didn’t want something serious and that any relationship I entered into, I wanted it to go slow in the emotions department. Compared to previous relationships, this one fits the bill. Probably because it is long distance and I don’t tend to see him during the week.
To address your concerns Juju:
1. Texting. This is a tough one for me cause I am someone who likes to text people. My sister and I never go a day without some kind of text exchange even though we live five minutes apart. Jack, on the other hand, only seems to text people for a purpose (i.e to arrange a meeting) and in five months together, I have only seen him text someone on a handful of occasions and it was when he was organizing a meet up with other musicians. He almost never has his phone on him (it’s an old phone too that isn’t able to receive links to some things (he can get them, they just don’t work), emojis (there are only a few that work)) and he rarely goes out of his way to check it. When someone does text him, he doesn’t always respond. One night his friend Bryan was texting him (drunk texting him about music ideas apparently) and he only replied twice whereas Bryan sent about ten texts. This week, I decided to change up my texting habits with him and decided to not text him unless he texted me first and to only text him a similar amount of texts. He went an entire day without contacting me and then yesterday morning he sends me a “hi” so I responded with “Morning” and left it. Normally I would have launched into a description of how my day was going but he didn’t ask, so I didn’t tell him and honestly, I was way too busy yesterday anyway. I got another text when I got home from work asking how my day was so I answered and we ended up having an off and on conversation for a couple of hours. So I have concluded that when it comes to contact, we just have different needs and I’ve decided not to take it personally and to just match his level of contact and spend more of my alone time doing other things.
2. From what I understand, the chronic unemployment has only been this year and this is the first time he has ever collected EI. The last job he had, he worked a lot of overtime and it was not the best of conditions so he told himself he was taking a break and working on his music. He is only responsible to himself...no extra mouths to feed or a mortgage or any significant debt so I get the appeal. He is actively looking for a job currently but doesn’t want to have to leave the Island we live on so it is going to take longer for him to find something.
3. The non-introduction to friends and family may be that but it could also be that he just isn’t close to people. His brother lives in my town. He doesn’t visit him or call him. His grandma is here in a complex. He has visited her once when I was busy and suggested to him it would be a nice thing for her to do. His parents are in his town but I never go there. We have talked about his parents before. He seems to think they are intrusive and forever disapproving of him. He keeps them at arm’s length. This is foreign to me, for sure, as he would have met my parents by now if they were still alive. But...we were super close and my parents would have almost insisted on it. He only has three friends that he ever mentions and only one of them lives in the vicinity. He’s seen him three times in five months and they met up to go swimming (they met when they were both swimming competitively in high school) and have not socialized outside of that context. I think I will eventually meet some of these people but it won’t be some formal introduction. That’s just not who Jack is. Still...it is who I am so it is definitely something I am thinking about. If we are still together over Christmas, we’ll see how that plays out. It’s only been five months of dating so I feel like I have some time to figure this stuff out.
4. No need for a response. I am aware though.
5. My friends and family don’t like my XH. Jack...the jury is out. They just don’t know him that well. My sister likes him, she’s just not sure he is the one for me longterm.
Do I feel loved and cherished? Sometimes. When we are together, I do. When we are apart during the week, not so much. I always feel respected though. Definitely didn’t feel any of those things in my marriage except for when things were easy in the early years of our R.
Anyway... running out of time. Have to get ready for work. Thanks again for keeping up with my sitch and for taking the time to offer your thoughts. I really do appreciate it. (((HUGS)))
