[quote=LH19]S, I believe I even once said that IMO if your W had a job and her OM was accessible she would have most likely divorced you. Until they get out there and experience reality the fantasy never goes away.
This and I think its a 2-way street. Steve, you are exactly where I'd be had I gotten the chance to reconcile. Honestly I got exhausted just reading your post. WAH had a fantasy of how life was going to be but guess what I had my own fantasy. His fantasy and mine didn't line up because duh it's a fantasy. Reality is different. Reality is right in front of me, today, this moment. Fantasy is in my head. Its in his head.
S19 tells me that WAH is still knee deep in fantasy land and honestly so am I. His fantasy is that life will be better without me in it. Not true but I see his point. It will be different but not better. Want to know why it won't be better? He isn't doing the work. Simply removing me isn't going to fix HIM.
And on my side of the street it's another fantasy. My fantasy was that if I was loved enough then my life would be better. Also not true. I still think I need someone and I won't truly be free until I fix this. For me the idea isn't to find someone else (this isn't difficult) its to not need someone else? Make sense?
Thanks kas. Appreciate it. What part or parts exhausted you? Just curious.
"And on my side of the street it's another fantasy. My fantasy was that if I was loved enough then my life would be better. Also not true. I still think I need someone and I won't truly be free until I fix this. For me the idea isn't to find someone else (this isn't difficult) its to not need someone else? Make sense?"
This is incredibly insightful. I praise you for being able to take a hard look at yourself like this. Kas, I truly believe that all of these situations are nothing if not a growth opportunity. Grow or die. Those are our choices. So I applaud you for looking into this. Please follow this up with some good IC and get to the root of why you have this need.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
