Hey Steve...I am not on much anymore but when I check in always want to see how those who helped me are doing.
I am in the same boat as you. Continuously saying life might just be better starting over. One thing keeping me around is S15 and am happy my sitch is not where it was this time last year. I think we as LBS needed to go to that extreme mentally to realize where we have been and that we will not go back even though our new norm is way different than it was pre BD.
I think we are ok with that and it is normal after all these years to keep questioning this new R because we were conditioned to that old routine.
I too, constantly have anxiety about whether OM will reemerge but I cut those feelings off very quickly because I know...I know that I will never be disrespected that way again and I could walk away from the R at that moment and start my life over without anger.
I am embracing the new R that I have and am working on being happy...not just content that A is over, etc etc but happy with the changes I have made for myself and a new attitude toward life. I gave up on hoping things would "go back to the way they were"....that is unrealistic and we can't wait for that to happen. Move forward Steve be happy.
Thanks l8, I am in a much better place right now. I have been GAL like crazy and this has helped. I continue to be healthily lovingly detached. And I continue to make sure my 180s are cemented. I think that sometimes life just gets a little overwhelming. Even in a good marriage there are ups and downs. Keeping the right perspective is so important. My W did start having inappropriate conversations again a couple of months ago. I caught it, confronted, and she agreed to full transparency. My choice is to accept that and move forward, or say that was the last straw and bolt. What I don't have the right to do is stay and complain. I listened to a podcast recently on relationships and this was the main point they were making. And I think we've made that point on this forum quite a bit too. I tested myself and decided to stick around.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
